Five low-key ways to destroy your diet in Gulf Shores - al.com

2022-05-27 21:21:40 By : Admin

Don't say they didn't tell you, at The Flying Harpoon in Gulf Shores.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

A weekend spent covering the Hangout Music Fest brought the opportunity to do some exploratory dining in Gulf Shores, and a theme quickly emerged: If you want to go big, this is a good place to do it.

As a city whose lifeblood is tourism, Gulf Shores has no shortage of upscale venues with highly-rated, high-end meals. You’ll have no trouble finding them. But what if you’d rather get some local flavor? What if you don’t feel like changing into your “good” beach clothes. What if you are just really, really hungry?

Here are some recommendations for a few culinary experiences you wouldn’t consider, if you were back home. Especially if you had a medical checkup scheduled anytime in the near future.

Shrimp & Grits at The Ugly Diner, 2200 E. 2nd St.

The Ugly Diner's take on shrimp & grits involves lots of shrimp, crunchy bacon, a savory red sauce and abundant gouda cheese flavor.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

I don’t know why The Ugly Diner is called The Ugly Diner. It’s a small storefront café in a strip mall but it’s clean and bright and nicely appointed, and the chef regularly pops out from the back to check on how things are going out front, which seems like a good thing. What I do know about The Ugly Diner is this: Somehow this small, inexpensive, inconspicuous, not-on-the-beach eatery ranks No. 5 among Tripadvisor.com’s top restaurants in Gulf Shores, a list dominated by much swankier places that tend to have beach views and mouth-watering catch-of-the-day specials at market prices.

The Ugly Diner has a Reuben ($13.75) that people seem to adore, but I came in early, before lunch was served. If you want to load up at breakfast, options include the country fried steak or pork chop plates, each of which come with two eggs, home fries and toast for $9.75. I went with the shrimp & grits for the princely sum of $14.50. “Gulf shrimp, bacon, tomatoes, chives, specialty sauce, creamy gouda grits,” says the menu.

The reddish sauce gave the dish a distinctive look and a light savory top note. The shrimp were fat and juicy, the generous sprinkling of bacon added an unusual crunch, and the grits stood out for the distinctive gouda flavor. Honestly it’s about the usual size for a bowl of shrimp and grits, which is to say hearty but not over the top. It’s the kind of breakfast that makes you say, ‘I’ll just go light on lunch and I’ll be fine.” You know you’re just lying to yourself.

Shrimp Spaghetti at The Pink Pony, 137 E. Gulf Place

Shrimp spaghetti at The Pink Pony, with a view of the beach.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

It’s almost comical how diverse the online reviews of this place are. The Pink Pony isn’t one of those glitzy places built from the DNA up to coddle tourists. It’s a mom-and-pop joint that has somehow managed to hang onto a ridiculously prime location. Some people get it, some don’t.

The Pony has a really broad menu, but one of the more distinctive options is the shrimp & crab spaghetti. “Fresh shrimp, jumbo lump crabmeat and jalapenos tossed in a garlic parmesan cream sauce served with Louisiana French bread,” all for $17. You get enough seafood to satisfy any reasonable person, and enough pasta for three. The sauce is indeed creamy, so ask for extra jalapenos or some hot sauce if you want to sharpen things up. Eat it all and you’re going to need a serious nap -- but you’re at the beach, so maybe that’s part of the plan anyway.

The Nasty G at Hog Wild Beach & BBQ, 911 Gulf Shores Parkway

The Nasty G sandwich at Hog Wild Beach & BBQ in Gulf Shores, Ala., with a side of potato salad.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

Just a little way up from the beach on Ala. 59, within walking distance, you’ll find Hog Wild. And when you cast your eye over the menu, a $20 sandwich called the Nasty G stands out. “Featured on Cooking Channel, this mouthful boasts Chopped Rib, Chicken, and Pork, Topped with Hand-Battered Buffalo Shrimp, ‘Not Your Traditional’ Cole Slaw, and White BBQ Sauce,” says the menu. “Think you can handle it?”

You can handle it. The Nasty G might look like you caught one sandwich trying to eat another when some big shrimp jumped on top of the pile to break things up, but it actually holds together pretty well. It’s an over-the-top sandwich that still functions as a sandwich: it’s not just a giant mess, and the flavors of all those different proteins don’t just blend into a blur. The really remarkable thing about this sandwich is that despite all the quantity, it still tastes like quality.

The Who’s Your Daddy Burger at Papa Rocco’s, 101 W. 6th Ave.

The Who's Your Daddy Burger at Papa Rocco's in Gulf Shores stands taller than your glass of sweet tea.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

Papa Rocco’s, which is along Ala. 59 and even closer to the beach than Hog Wild, has long billed itself as “the home of warm beer and lousy pizza.” It’s so dark on the outside that I wasn’t convinced it was open until I tried the door. It’s so dark on the inside that my phone camera wanted to go into night mode to take a picture of the flagship burger. I also had to use the wide-angle setting. As if it’s not enough that they call it the “Who’s Your Daddy Burger,” they also say “Try it … We dare you!” right there on the menu.

You don’t have to choose between Swiss, pepper jack and American cheese because this double-decker monstrosity ($16.95) comes with all three, plus mushrooms and bacon. When I ordered it the waitress said, “You want that medium well,” and it didn’t sound like a question so I just said, “Okay.” When she brought it out, the sight of it stopped nearby conversations. Now, I’m a lifelong member of a sect that believes burgers were meant to be picked up and eaten, even if it’s the sloppiest chili cheeseburger you’ve ever seen. But there was just no way. With two half-pound patties separated by an extra slab of bun, it was so tall it had to be held upright by skewers.

Like they say about eating an elephant, I took it one bite at a time. Leaving one skewer in place, I sliced off wedges I could manage without unhinging my jaw and worked at it until the burger was gone. And let me tell you, there is greatness in this burger. These patties were perfectly cooked on a griddle, giving them just the right crust while keeping them incredibly juicy. Even eating it piecemeal, this was a five-napkin project. They just don’t build ‘em like this anymore.

Roast Beef Debris Po’ Boy at The Flying Harpoon, 112 Windmill Ridge Road, Gulf Shores

The King version of The Flying Harpoon's roast beef debris po-boy is 15 inches long.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

The Flying Harpoon is a gloriously downscale venue overlooking a bayou on a side road off Ala. 59 near the beach. It looks like a beach house converted to business use, and as you climb the stairs to the upper level you can’t help but notice a sign that says, “No peein’ off the porch.” There’s a similar one on the dock down at the water’s edge.

The bartender didn’t blink when I ordered the “King” version of the roast beef debris po’boy ($20.50 for the 15-inch sandwich, $2 more for provolone). Perhaps for her, watching people make questionable decision is nothing new. But when this thing was delivered to me it was the only moment in this project when I looked down at the table and said to myself, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

The sandwich was served on a cardboard tray that had once held two six-packs of Corona, and it stretched diagonally from one end to the other. The menu describes it as “certified Angus beef, slow cooked in a brown Cajun gravy with mayo.” Honestly, it can’t be said to score highly on presentation. It looks like a loaf of French bread covered in brown sludge. There’s tomato and lettuce in there, but it’s on the bottom.

The Flying Harpoon in Gulf Shores has a lot of history on its walls. And its ceiling.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

It was served without a fork, and I applaud this. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I had the feeling that if I asked for one I’d be publicly mocked and thereafter treated like some kind of vaguely man-shaped infant. But I wasn’t about to. Challenge accepted. (See my position on chili cheeseburgers, above). This probably was the messiest sandwich I’ve ever eaten in my life. Just picking up a portion of it and trying to fold together the top and bottom of the bread created blowouts. Like the Papa Rocco’s burger, this ended up being a five-napkin job -- but these were much larger, thicker napkins, practically hand towels.

At least they gave me a knife, to scrape up runaway bits and reload them onto the bread. And scrape I did, because this was too good to waste. The beef had been cooked to falling-apart tenderness but not to mush. The gravy had a tangy quality that was difficult to define but slightly akin to the pepperoncini kick of a Mississippi-style pot roast. The Leidenheimer bread, while soft, held up to this extreme-duty application, retaining structural integrity to the last bite.

The aftermath of a 15-inch roast beef Po-Boy at The Flying Harpoon in Gulf Shores.Lawrence Specker | LSpecker@AL.com

There’s a lesson in all this, and maybe it has something to do with the rewards of venturing away from the biggest, glossiest, best-marketed places in town. Or maybe it’s something a little simpler. Like, if you see your cardiologist wearing a T-shirt that says “No peein’ off the porch,” you should fire him. Immediately.

Wisdom, like flavor, is where you find it.

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